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Women addicted to porn Culture 

Women addicted to porn

(ETB) – Now, truly, as young girls we do not yet understand why adult women behave this way. Neither do we understand why males enjoy women who act this way. But we are children so we copy and strive to behave in the same way presented to us.

This is a quite confusing time for a young female. We are told by parents to absolutely not behave in such a way. We are told we are disgusting for flirting or acting promiscuous. This is so utterly hypocritical. Afterall, all the successful, famous and accepted women in our society behave in this way. Its the only common thing between them, and an intelligent child will believe that if they behave this way- they too can be successful and loved by everyone. There are no sexual thoughts to this behaviour yet, it is simply a young girl copying behaviours for approval.

Two things can happen when a young girl is told to stop behaving this way.
She may develop shame about her sexuality before she even realises what it is and hide that part of herself where possible, or she will adamantly protest and continually behave in this manner regardless.

Move on to being a female teenager, and now an entirely sexualised world is fuelled even further by the teen female developing her own sexual feelings. Sexuality and pornographic-styled material is now everywhere in this female’s life. She cannot avoid it, and its become more acceptable for her to show her sexualised form. She may start enjoying using the same seductiveness that she’s witnessed her whole childhood. She finds that she can get approval from any man, by behaving sexually and attractive at all times. This feeds the ego of the teenager, especially if she fits the appearance of sexualised women in the media.

The more sexualised the teen girl behaves, the more interested and approved teen males will make her feel. On the other hand though- the more sexualised she behaves, the more uncomfortable she makes her female peers. Her female peers will name call her, or ridicule her behind her back- all the while pushing her further away from her female peers and closer to her male peers.
In our society, we accept boys treating girls like sexual objects. They readily make comments on whether girls at school are attractive or not, whether they would have sex with them or not and will often assault teenage girls by feeling their breasts or degrade teen girls with comments about what they want.

So, this teen girl is faced with sexualised tv, sexualised idols, sexualised music, sexualised clothing, sexualised products and on top of that sexualised treatment by others’.
Sometimes the teen girl will enjoy herself, feeling approval from others that she is attractive and wanted. Other times she will feel afraid or demeaned. The teenage years are equally a stressful and confusing time for her sexuality.

If the teenager has viewed porn yet, which is likely since only 17% of teenage girls haven’t seen porn before the age of 18 ( I would argue that every teen who has access and knows about porn, would have viewed it at least once), then her already skewed thoughts of her sexuality are even further damaged. She will know how to masturbate, and know what gives her pleasure- and porn contains none of this. It shows women being choked, ignored, treated like objects. The women in porn are thrown around like a doll, their feelings are ignored. If a woman has tears in her eyes, the males will ignore it and continue. There is nothing in porn to arouse a teenage girl, except the notion that at least those women are wanted and being used by the men. Two things happen at this stage also, she either hates porn and refuses to watch it- or she aspires to be that useful, wanted and needed by a man. She believes that the treatment in porn is a compliment. That the female must be so attractive if men get that aroused and want her that much.

The teen female may want to use porn to achieve ultimate sexual attraction for men. Women are more empathetic than men as proven by American Psychology research, so we naturally want them to be happier and want to understand what they want so we can give it to them. A lot of females in their teens, but their relationship needs and wants entirely last. We have been taught to be attractive to men and as compliant as we possibly can be. We feel approval when men use us. It reinforces our self-esteem (that we lack because of photoshopped society) when males want us at all. The more males who want them the better.

A lot of teenage girls experience some sexual assault, 1 in 4 girls to be exact. So if they haven’t experienced it themselves, they have most certainly witnessed it. So being treated as an object is very normal in our society, and sexual violence is prevalent. Not every boy or man treats her in an abusively sexual way, so it can get quite overwhelming once the teen knows its a choice to treat her this way.
This is the point where the teen decides to either beat them (avoid such treatment and protest) or join them.
If she joins them, this is the point where she may turn to porn.

The addiction begins….

Her porn addiction will begin when she needs to watch porn to become aroused. See, an issue with porn is how it teaches men to treat women sexually. There is no truth to it. Women do not get aroused being treated as such. Women don’t truly enjoy being choked. No one ever did before porn. Before porn, choking was something you did to kill someone. These days, its used to mimic arousal. After watching actresses pretend to be aroused by choking and men pretending to enjoy it also, then eventually, it manipulates the viewer into thinking its exciting and arousing. So with the choking, and the gagging and the name calling (“do you like that, slut?”) the men don’t learn how to arouse the woman- she must turn to porn to arouse an orgasm herself, or to become aroused before sex. Putting her in the position of forcing her to have cognitive ignorance about how wrong, inaccurate and degrading it is for the females in porn or else she could not use it. She must view porn as the male, pretending to be the woman in the porn video and using that notion of being wanted to gain her arousal.

The thing with porn is, you don’t just watch one video….you watch 3, 5, 20, 40….
Eventually, you get bored with the same content. The brain releases dopamine while watching porn, and lots of it. So you need new content, often to keep the same amount of dopamine releasing, because like watching your favourite movie 100x over you eventually get sick of the same stuff. This is not true for real-life interactions though, because in real life- every day is different. Every interaction is different, so we don’t get this bored stagnant feeling from life like we do repetitive media.
So with new pornographic videos, comes more likelihood of seeing abusive or grotesque content.
She will eventually become so addicted that she will need to watch porn during sex or masturbation to feel any dopamine at all. The imagery in porn is far more graphic than real life, so in comparison, she cannot get the same efficacy of arousal from real life anymore.
So we have determined a cycle. She will watch more graphic and brutal porn to get aroused, then she will get bored with it, not be able to stop, watch more graphic porn, get bored- and the cycle goes on.

This is where the privatization of the addiction occurs. Because the things the female is now viewing are absolutely awful. She will hide what videos she is watching, and begin watching them in the middle or the night or day, or even hide in the toilet. When she is bored, sad, lonely, depressed or angry she will turn to porn so the dopamine can take the feeling away. She is trapped watching women being abused by men. She is trapped watching men treat women with extreme brutality. She has essentially become addicted to rape, torture, abuse and assault of women. This is all veiled when she is aroused, but when she is no longer aroused- she will feel deep self hatred for enjoying it. Once the woman views so much porn that eventually she comes across a severely disturbing set of videos (anal prolapsing, cutting, extreme torture, drowning porn, etc) she may “wake up” and realise how disgusting it is and seek help. Or otherwise in her relationship, her partner may feel extremely betrayed by her needing/wanting porn more than him. The fact that he alone does not arouse her is massively effective at destroying his confidence. She may not even realise, thinking that ” everyone watches porn”, that it makes her pleased, that he doesnt know what to do anyway. Her hurting him in such a way, might make her proactive in quitting and teaching her partner how to please her.

Trying to quit porn as a woman today, can be done with knowledgeable individuals.
The female must avoid all tv, sexualised music, videos, nightclubs or even certain shops. The addicted female will suddenly realise she is being triggered by such content to view porn, she must minimise these triggers while she is regulating her dopamine response. It takes some time to regulate your dopamine response, I would not suggest testing yourself at all for at least 8 weeks post quitting porn.

A female that was previously addicted to porn can recognise the absolute dangerous effects of porn:
-The heightened likelihood for porn viewers to want to be abused or be abusive towards others.
-The lack of empathy for any upset or pain experienced.
-The disregard for ones own emotions, all while putting a mans experience sexually above anything including her own pain, fear or humiliation.
-The use of people as if they are objects.
-Torture disguised as pleasure.
-The lack of oxytocin in sexual interaction that precedented from porn, which is neccessary for feeling comfortable, loved, cared for and provide a deeper connection between intimate couples. Oxytocin is necessary so that people can feel greater empathy and sympathy.

Women who become addicted to porn are victims of the porn industry, which is marketing from the low self esteem of women or the populace becoming accepting of sexual violence and the degradation of women.
Women who are addicted to porn can quit by reducing triggers and remind themselves of the horrors of the porn industry for them personally and worldwide.

 

Porn addiction in women affects:

  • An inability to form lasting social and intimate romantic relationships

  • Intense feelings of depression, shame and isolation

  • Disintegration of relationships with family, friends and romantic partners

  • Loss of many hours, sometimes entire days, to porn use

  • Loss of interest in non-porn activities such as work, school, socializing, family and exercise

  • Trouble at work or in school (including reprimands and/or dismissal) related to poor performance, misuse of company/school equipment and/or public use of porn

  • Financial issues

  • Legal issues (usually related to illegal porn use)

  • Porn use combined with drug/alcohol abuse

  • Physical injury caused by compulsive masturbation or copycatting of severe, brutal or dangerous porn

  • Sexual dysfunction with real-world partners, including lack of feeling in clitoris, and an inability to reach orgasm

If you are a woman or man struggling with porn addiction please feel free to join my facebook group: Betrayal/Ptsd/Pornaddiction

 

Please also check out http://fightthenewdrug.org for more information about porn addiction in both males and females.

This report prepared by Karissa Best.

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