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2017: The Year America Looks Like Aleppo? Columns Featured 

2017: The Year America Looks Like Aleppo?

If the movin’ and shakin’s of the Luck Plane are any indication it appears 2017 will be a defining point in the death of large political collectives in favor of smaller and smaller sects, a never ending war of 10,000 fronts fought not for dominance but for vendetta.

Already a major omen has predicted absolute disaster for the year ahead, a failure in a re-occuring miracle that’s correctly warned of everything from earthquakes to World War 2. This alone was enough to set wizards and witches scurrying for cover; not to be outdone the material world has provided its own trends to study.

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Standing Rock is In It’s Most Precarious Situation, So Why Should People Go Home? Columns 

Standing Rock is In It’s Most Precarious Situation, So Why Should People Go Home?

When the news hit that the Army had stood down, that for a brief second it appeared the people might have a glimpse of what victory actually feels like in the face of impossible odds, I was about as far away from North Dakota as anyone could be. On some deserted Florida beach I had made camp, my communist bandanna flying violently in the wind as I guzzled tall-boy after tall-boy of cheap American beer. Bossa Nova from the 1960’s blared at full volume, a soothing weight to balance out the ever-familiar tension of a mind on high alert. I knew that the times ahead would be the most important and this pipeline business was now more dangerous than ever.

A quick overview of the facts: the Army Corps of Engineers, after facing the possibility of hundreds of military veterans acting as human shields, has decided not to the grant the easement necessary for Energy Transfer Partners to complete the Dakota Access pipeline, seemingly bringing an end to months of protests over the project. Cheers from the northern territories could be heard as faraway as Georgia and the internet was absolutely ablaze with congratulatory memes. The battle had been one, the pipeline would be moved, and one of the tribal leaders was even beginning to ask the nearly 5,000 people assembled to move along unless they belonged to the Sioux tribe.

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America Won’t Convict Killer Cops Because It Couldn’t Care Less Columns Featured 

America Won’t Convict Killer Cops Because It Couldn’t Care Less

I cannot in good conscience consider a guilty verdict.” This is the sound of what a fully militarized system of white supremacy sounds like.

Jaws hit the floor yesterday in the case of Michael Slager, better known as the cop who shot an unarmed man named Walter Scott, when a jury of 11 whites and one black person said it looked like they were heading for a mistrial. This wasn’t some dire gridlock either, but one lone asshole who somehow has decided that they cannot possibly conceive of any punishment for a cop that not only shot an unarmed man in the fucking back but tried to plant a weapon on him to make it look justified.

We here at the Greed Florida Office have been staying up all night reviewing the details of this case, practically draining the local liquor store of supplies absolutely critical to reviewing the footage of the shooting. It must be very difficult to be a juror on the Walter Scott case, what with the vast amount of studying required of what surely must be a very long and very unclear bit of videotape. We did our best to put ourselves in their shoes. Try your own hand at it:

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This Thanksgiving Give Thanks for Anomie Columns Unaimed 

This Thanksgiving Give Thanks for Anomie

Anomie: a condition in which society provides little moral guidance to individuals. It is the breakdown of social bonds between an individual and the community, e.g., under unruly scenarios resulting in fragmentation of social identity…

Contrary to popular belief Thanksgiving was not founded as a holiday to celebrate the American genocide of first nation’s people, nor to remember the salvation of any pilgrims. It was made a national holiday by none other than Abraham Lincoln at the height of the Civil War for “the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.” In affect it was a holiday celebrated independently by the States brought under Federal control for propgandic value creating a sense of unity and national togetherness, one gigantic collective hallucination to fuse diverse cultures and peoples into one.

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Donald Trump is the Enemy The Left Has Always Needed Columns 

Donald Trump is the Enemy The Left Has Always Needed

Donald Trump hasn’t even taken the presidency and he’s done more for the Left than Noam Chomsky has in 10 years.

That at least appears to be the feel of things as millions of Americans swarm the streets, burn cars, and stock up on guns as the swearing in of our Arch-Salesman looms ever closer. People who never would have dreamed about violence, let alone sneezing in the direction of a racist, are messaging me en masse asking about gun laws in states I’ve never been and just what kind of damage a .357 round can do to a Klansman’s head.

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Don’t Be Afraid of the Candidates, Be Afraid of the People Voting for Them Columns Featured 

Don’t Be Afraid of the Candidates, Be Afraid of the People Voting for Them

(GREED) – We are living in a horror movie, a grotesque carnival of human depravity and indifference towards suffering. Torture, blood, guts, everything seems slashed with macabre tones as I nervously sprinkle rue water on my front steps to keep away evil. This election is the most frightful one yet but it’s not the candidates that fill me with dread. It is the American people themselves that should scare us to death, not whichever puppet our masters can convince us trust. I recall two nights before Halloween when a short Italian woman grabbed me by the arm, her fingers digging into Read More

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Will Standing Rock Give Anarchism a Soul? Columns Featured 

Will Standing Rock Give Anarchism a Soul?

The scene is a new one, yet its repeated wherever the Western world collides with one that is perhaps incalculably old.

It’s evening time in North Dakota and a young Anarchist from out of state sits beside a bonfire. He looks at the comrades around him, primarily indigenous peoples, and breathes deeply the clean air of the plains. Stars he never sees in the city paint the night sky and the moon lights up the hills that seem to roll on forever. He can understand why these proud people want to defend this land, this soil, and fight so hard to keep the long arm of capitalism from despoiling it. With a big breath he tries to soak up as many memories, his entire body beaming with joy.

This is the revolution he was always waiting for. The one he dreamed about all those nights he stayed awake at college reading Bookchin, Kropotkin, and Emma Goldman. He begins to feel that this whole thing could be it, the final tipping point where humanity liberates itself from the oppressive chains of the State and superstition.

But as he revels in revolutionary delight a soft female voice rises from the other side of the fire. She too has come to join the protest and speaks in the tongue of her people, words our Anarchist can’t understand yet ones that cause his hairs to stand on end:

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Wicked Wicker: Enlistment bonus scandal is a great thing for America’s youth Columns Featured Scandal 

Wicked Wicker: Enlistment bonus scandal is a great thing for America’s youth

So the Department of Defense is screwing a bunch of troops who put their asses on the line in Afghanistan and Iraq. DOD is making them repay enlistment bonuses worth tens of thousands of dollars each. Troops who were literally blown to pieces are having their credit ruined, their reputations destroyed, and the lives upturned because of DOD’s collection efforts. I personally think this is wonderful.

Basically, the recruiters lied to these kids, put them in for enlistment bonuses that far exceeded what they qualified for, sent them off to the meat-grinder, and then once DOD got what they needed from them: fuck you, pay it back. This needs to be front page news for every paper in the country.

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Greedy Hooker: There are no good (men or women) in the world Columns 

Greedy Hooker: There are no good (men or women) in the world

It’s a tried trope now. “All the good women are taken.” “All the good men are taken.” Are they though?

Maybe it’s not them, it’s you. Think about what you really want in a partner. Oh, you want a smart lady who isn’t going to spend all night out at the club? I bet you won’t meet her at 3am in the club. You want a girl who isn’t easy? I bet she won’t sleep with you in the first date. Ladies, do you want a guy who’s going to respect you? I promise his Facebook statuses won’t constantly refer to women as “bitches” or in some other derogatory manner. Oh, I bet you want a man who isn’t a giant Pandora’s box of drama! Is his Facebook feed full of passive aggressive whiny comments?

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Wicked Wicker: No, you can’t grab your rifle and go to North Dakota Columns Featured 

Wicked Wicker: No, you can’t grab your rifle and go to North Dakota

So, it’s come to my attention that many self-styled commandos are blustering about gathering their kit and going full battle rattle up to North Dakota to help out those poor indigenous folks. As luck would have it, I happen to know a bit about assisting indigenous forces. It was kind of my thing for a number of years. During that time, I learned a lot. Lend me your ears, or eyes in this case, and I’ll fill you in on some things I learned over the years.

The first thing you have to do before you ever start trying to assist indigenous forces is make sure they want your help. If they don’t, all you’ll accomplish by showing up is escalate tensions within their group which will turn their group away from you. If you continue to persist, you might provoke a conflict with the group you intend on helping.

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